All I Need Is, All I Want Is To Find Somebody

To find somebody like you.  Every night, you stand with me here.

The films in my head have all gone silent

Forgetting your voice and your touch

And with only your images I am reminded

And ever distorted, I can scarce see your face

A blur in the render whenever we embrace

But I can still see your skin in the flickering candlelight

Sometimes like cinnamon

Sometimes blue in the hue of the television’s delight

And I can hardly believe it’s been five years

I can hardly believe that you’re not here

That you’re all the way there

How the miles reflect your apathy…

But I still care

In my mind,

I see lines of moonlight on the floor

And I watch you cross them, one by one

With silent footsteps from my door

You’re like a ghost

The kind I’ve only seen fast asleep,

Or in waking dreams

You come and speak in a quiet tone

Of beautiful things I’ve never known...

For You

Love I Needed Descended Away

There are some days when I forget you, days when you never cross my mind.  They’re rare, but they happen and the best part is when I’m not even aware.  I get to work early so I can watch the doors just in case you show up looking for me.  I know you wont, but I can’t help looking for you.  I haven’t had anyone worth moving on to, anyone who could take my attention and my affection, and claim me all their own like I wanted you to.

I can’t keep carrying this grief with me; it’s wearing me down.  But you’re worth it, you always have been, you have to be.  Just once I have to be justified.  When I turn out the lights and talk to you in the dark, the way I still hold your hands when I go to sleep, when I whisper I love you to no one.  I don’t expect your name when I get an email.  I don’t hope it is you when I answer the phone.

Every chance I‘ve taken with someone who does for me what you did has shot me down.  I’ve been shot down too many times before you and after you, I can’t keep doing it, I can’t keep looking for something I’ll never get back.  Maybe something I never really had, only in my mind, only in my heart.

I agonize over you, telling myself that it’s better than feeling nothing at all.  I’m not desired, I’m not loved, and I’m not pursued.  I’ve just been used.  Discarded.  Told that I’m not seen the same way I see others.  You are all I have left and you’re not even here.

And I’m here, writing letters that will never be read.

Love,

            Dane

For...

I take you with me on my hikes

When I leave about midnight

And the summertime nights

Still have a chill and a bite

A Girl

When the wind blows just right

Then I can almost feel your fingers on my face

The subtle circles they’d trace

From my chest are pulled emotions

That I can’t race

Named

Feelings I lost that I thought I couldn’t replace

But you came along like a song

And everything changed

The breaks of a heart got erased

Everything fit back into place